


Conversations With A Plot Bunny…

by vic_amy_z



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-22
Updated: 2011-10-22
Packaged: 2017-10-24 20:48:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vic_amy_z/pseuds/vic_amy_z
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the boys could contribute to our fics…?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations With A Plot Bunny…

**Author's Note:**

> I was happily writing part 3 of my series when I got viciously bitten by a plot bunny, [ouch]! This was inspired by a non-Buffy story that I read on Fanfiction.net. I can't find it now, but thanks to the author - whoever you are! Once I got thinking about it, I couldn't stop, and this was the result - just had to get it out of my system…sorry! (BTW, {…} indicates words appearing on a computer screen…)

{… Angel thrust his fingers into the soft, blonde hair and kissed the full lips hungrily. Their tongues met as the kiss grew in intensity and passion. Angel now had the smaller man pushed roughly against the wall of the lobby, and was grinding his hips hard against…}

I pause, turning my eyes away from the computer screen as I reach for my coffee cup.

'God! Now I need *another* word for male genitalia… and please, save me from yet more gratuitous use of the word 'cock'… please', I beg my brain out loud.

Draining the cup of lukewarm coffee, as if the answer to my plea could be found at the bottom of it, I turn back to the screen…

{… and was grinding his hips hard against the blonde's swelling erection.

'Upstairs… NOW!' Angel commanded, unable to control the need to fuck this man senseless for a moment longer.

Grasping his hand, they practically ran up the flight of stairs and along the corridor to Angel's room. Slamming the door behind him, Angel grabbed his prize and…}

'Whatcha doin'?'

{… and [y;p#h\4-j/s=…}

'Christ! Don't *do* that!' I yelp, clasping my chest with one hand and using the other to carefully erase the gibberish I'd been terrified into producing. 'And what do *you* want?'

'Hey, that's no way to talk to a good friend', protests the intruder.

'You're not a *friend* Spike', I sigh, 'you're an annoying fictional vampire who has taken to vacating the confines of my head and hanging around in person, preventing me from getting anything done'.

'Yeah, OK… but don't tell me you don't enjoy my little visits… really'. He clears aside some papers and takes a seat on the edge of my desk.

'Really? I find them quite disturbing, to tell you the truth. Now if you insist on sticking around, *please* keep quiet… I've got to finish this piece and get it off to Michelle by tonight.' I turn back to the screen and try to concentrate… Mentally I give him twenty eight seconds before he starts annoying me again.

{… and pushed him roughly (twelve, thirteen, fourteen) towards the bed, tugging at his shirt to reveal (twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two) a smooth, tanned chest and a firm…}

'Hey! I thought you fan-fic writers were supposed to be all 'attention-to-detail'?'

Right on time… 'We are.'

'So how come I've got a 'tanned chest'? Vampire here… remember?'

Shit! I knew this was coming... How do I explain to a figment of someone else's imagination, that the other fictional vampire I normally put him in compromising situations with has a new man in his life? Oh bugger, here goes...

'You *don't* have a tanned chest… but the guy Angel's about to boink rigid, does.'

'WHAT?' Spike leaps up off the edge of my desk and begins to pace to floor, boots stomping, duster flapping. 'Whadya mean 'the guy Angel's about to boink rigid'? That's me! It's *always* me! I get to be *everyone's* bitch… it's like… the law, or something!'

Spike has stopped pacing angrily, and is now standing in the middle of my room, pouting and trying not to sound whiny… with limited success.

'Sorry' I say resignedly, turning my back on him, 'but not this time… Angel need's fresh blood and I'm giving it to him.' I attempt to continue typing while Spike has a temper tantrum behind me. Wonder if I should tell him that it's very unbecoming in a vampire of his advancing years…?

Two preternaturally strong hands grab my chair and spin me back round to face one very pissed off vampire. OK, maybe not…

'Don't try and tell *me* what Angel needs… I *know* what he needs - and it's right here!' Spike chooses to illustrate this point with some explicit gesturing, using his trouser region and a variety of hand movements.

'OK, enough!' I protest. 'Firstly, that's more than I *ever* need to see you do when you choose to put in a physical appearance… And secondly, you *do* know that neither of you are real… right?'

'Hey! Watch it! That's my sire you're talking about there…' Spike continues to mumble something along the lines of 'Not real…? Bloody cheek…' He has calmed down slightly and takes up his seat on the edge of the desk once again.

'So - who is he then?' He reaches into the pocket of his duster for a packet of cigarettes, and proceeds to light one.

'Jesus, Spike! You can't smoke in here - my mother will go mental!' I lunge for his fag, but he holds it just out of my reach.

'Look, Love' he replies, 'I could chain smoke while dancing a naked conga round your mother, and she'd still be none the wiser. I'm not real, remember… as you're so bloody fond of reminding me', he finishes smugly, drawing deeply on the cigarette and exhaling the smoke slowly into the air.

'How's that fair? She bloody well knows when I've had one…' I mumble, staring morosely back at the computer screen. Still… enjoying the naked conga visuals…

'Want one, Pet?' Spike proffers the pack towards me.

'Will she be able to tell?'

'Er… Yes.'

'Then no.'

Silence - a rare occurrence on one of Spike's visits. He continues to smoke, contemplatively while I attempt to pick up my train of thought…

'And stop avoiding the issue… who is he?' he finally demands.

I sigh and turn to face him, steeling myself for further argument.

'His name's Lindsey', I say, simply.

Spike cracks up mid-fag and ends up coughing and spluttering smoke everywhere until I'm forced to thump him on the back. I don't know why vampires need to cough when they don't need to breathe…

'Lindsey?', he gasps, trying to compose himself. 'You've got Angel shagging a bloke with a bird's name? Oh… that's priceless…' he cracks up all over again.

I thump my head down wearily on the keyboard. Why am I about to justify my fan-fiction plotline to one of my erstwhile characters?

'Look, just trust me on this one, OK? Lindsey's a lawyer and he's *all* man… Plus - he's exceptionally cute', I finish.

'What? Cuter than me?' Spike asks incredulously, giving me his best pout and matching 'aren't-I-adorable' eyes.

'Yes!'

More pouting and batting of eyelashes… Damn.

'OK, no… probably not… but definitely less annoying.' Spike now smiles broadly.

'Lemme see him.'

'What?'

'I wanna see him', he whines. 'At least let me take a look at the evil lawyer who's stolen away the love of my precious Angel…' I swear he attempted to wipe away an imaginary tear with that last sentence… talk about laying it on thick.

'Oh get over yourself, Spike.' I scold, reaching for one of my reference books. I turn to the pages about 'Wolfram & Hart' and thrust it at Spike. 'Here.'

After an eternity of stunned silence, I finally hear a low whistle emanating from the blonde vampire.

'Now d'you see?' I ask.

'Hell yeah!' Spike finally replies, once he's gained control of his vocal chords. 'I mean… you *said* 'cute'… but you forgot to mention 'hot', 'sexy' and 'downright-fuckable'!'

I try to prise the book from Spike's grasp but my fingers are no match for the strength of a vampire with the horn.

'OK, you can keep the picture of the pretty human', I coo soothingly at him, 'But can I carry on typing now… please?'

'Yeah, whatever…' Spike was still lost in the luscious Lindsey McDonald. 'What? No! Don't you dare…'

'Aaarrrhhhggg! Now what?!'

'You can't let anything that looks like *this*, anywhere near Angel… I'll never see him again!' Spike wails. He reaches for another cigarette, having put the first one out in my coffee cup.

I resist the urge to push him off the desk in sheer exasperation.

'Spike! Calm. Down… It'll be your turn with Angel next… I promise.'

He looks down at me from his desktop perch and exhales a stream of pale blue smoke. Petulantly. How does he manage to smoke petulantly?

'Oh, great… So I'm left with Lawyer Boy's leftovers am I? That's just peachy!'

'Honestly!' I throw my hands up in mock surrender. 'Moan, moan, moan… there's just no pleasing some vampire's is there…?' It's my turn to pace around the room. 'When *I* wanted Angel to teach you Tai Chi, and *you* wanted him to shag you across the kitchen table, who got who's way…? And when I thought you two could use a nice romantic massage, how come I ended up with a total shag-fest involving dairy products and root vegetables, hmm?'

Spike, who was at least having the decency to look abashed up until this point, grins inanely at the thought of that last incident, but tries to cover it with a drag on his cigarette.

'So, when the storylines are stacked very much in your favour, can't I at least have this one indulgence… pleeeeeaaaase?' I realise that I'm starting to plead with an imaginary vampire. It's not pretty…

'Well…' he appears to be considering this. 'How about a compromise?'

I sigh heavily as I sit down again, wondering if I have *any* other options. Spike, meanwhile, starts to wander round my room distractedly, opening drawers and bouncing up and down on the bed. I realise that if I *ever* want to get my life back, then I'm fresh out of options. I spin round to look at him…

'Spike! You can put those away for a start, you pervert… and what did you have in mind?'

'Well, how about - Angel and his bit of skirt…'

'Lindsey.'

'Yeah, whatever… Anyway, they do the whole seductive, getting undressed part that you seem to like so much… Personally, I prefer to start with butt naked and take it from there, but whatever turns you on, I suppose…'

'Just get to the point, Spike.'

'OK… So they get naked, and they're *just* about to get horizontal, when a fuck-off huge XXXX demon breaks down the door and accidentally eats Lawyer Boy!' He perches on the desk again and looks expectantly at me for approval.

I roll my eyes and treat him to my best look of disdain.

'What?' he asks, innocently.

'Well, it's not *exactly* what I had in mind…'

'And what *did* you have in mind, all-powerful-one', Spike asks, sarcastically.

I beckon him closer with my finger, to whisper in his ear…

'… … … … … …'

'What?!' Spike's eyes open so wide, I wonder if they'll fall out. 'You kiss your mother with that mouth…?'

'So… better than him being eaten by a XXXX demon then?' I raise one eyebrow at him.

'Well… actually, you've just swapped him being eaten by one demon for him being eaten by another… in a manner of speaking…' he smirks.

I smack him sharply across the top of the head with a handy book.

'Hey! But seriously… with a few subtle alterations, your story could still work very nicely…'

~~~~~~~~

With a fresh cup of coffee in my hand, I sit down in front of the computer again and prepare to finish the story. With the promise of following his request to the letter, Spike has been persuaded to go and find someone else to annoy, so I can finally get on. I place my hands over the keys and continue to type…

{… and a firm muscled stomach.

'I've got a surprise for you, Lindsey', murmured Angel, running his hands over the human's body, making his breath come in ragged gasps. They pulled frantically at each other's clothes, desperate to reveal more of the warm or cool skin that they each craved so much.

Finally naked, they tumbled onto the bed, kissing each other with such an intense passion that they didn't appear to notice the bedroom door opening. A third person…}

(A third *naked* person…)

'Yes - thank you, Spike… I've got it…'

{… A third person, also naked, quietly entered the room.

'Ah… Spike', Angel sighed, happily. 'I wondered when you'd show up…'

Lindsey looked backwards and forwards between the two vampires, unsure of what to make of the situation.

'Shhh…' The blonde vampire laid a reassuring hand on his face. 'No question's, Pet. Just relax and enjoy…' Spike slipped onto the bed behind Lindsey and began to gently stroke his thigh and kiss the back of his neck.

Angel trailed a line of soft kisses down Lindsey's chest…}

(Poof…!)

'I'm warning you, Spike. When I said 'gone', I meant it… and that includes disembodied voices, too…'

(Sorry…)

{… a line of soft kisses down Lindsey's chest, inching closer to the hardness that was begging for relief.

Lindsey cried out loud as Angel swallowed him whole, while Spike held him tightly from behind, pressing his own erection hard against…}

'SO…I have to *share* him now, do I?' The accent coming from behind me is American, with just a hint of Irish. 'There are *many* things that I'd like to surprise Lindsey McDonald with, believe me… and none of them even *remotely* resemble my bleached idiot of a childe…'

Oh you've *got* to be kidding…

'SPIKE!!!'

~~~~END~~~~


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